08: Marriage

The inevitable that you denied for so long has finally arrived: you are aging and your spouse is not getting any younger either. In his perspective, she may have turned into an old hag by now; and she may believe he is a reckless beast instead of that chivalrous gentleman she married forty years ago. Yes were being a tad bit harsh, and more cynical than required, but regardless of how you feel about each other, retirement is a transition you both have to deal with - whether it's happily or unhappily (entirely your doing). Whether you like it or not, being together 24/7 week after week, month after month and year after year is just the way it's going to be from now. As a test to your love, ask yourself: Does this thought fill you with joy or does it irritate you to bits just to chew on this reality? Caution: Unless both of you exercise mutual respect, stay optimistic, and keep the love going (both emotionally and physically), it could be rough and tough, and one of you might even fall off the bumpy ride.

Of course it's obvious (we know!) that you just want the best for yourself and for your family in your Golden Years, just like you did in the past! Retirement should be a festive time, so lighten up that sleepy head of yours and go through the evolution smoothly and contentedly - so as to enjoy your marriage more than ever before, and come out closer than ever. It's important to adjust your personal style in the home, if you must, by giving up those toxic emotions accrued over the years when you just didn't have time to think about those nasty arguments. We don't advise you to begin your retirement time by discussing all that your partner should or shouldn't have done. Let bygones be bygones, so as to say, and view your marital life in retirement as one of the greatest blessings you've got. Peace of mind is something you can't do without. Imagine that your marriage was made in heaven (or in the stars) - even if it wasn't - as this is the time for both you and your spouse to start thinking of heaven anyway. Ask yourself honestly: How would the heavens want you to handle your marriage during retirement? We all know the answer.

To start with, sit down face-to-face and talk without interruption. Recall the good times you have shared before you go on to the matter of retirement. Begin to anticipate retirement together with a brainstorming session. How would both of you like to spend quality time together from this time forth? Chat about your financial picture and then the activities you have individually been planning to undertake over the years. Are there vacations in the pipeline? Would you like to begin an exercise regimen hand in hand? Maybe write a book together? Have more children in case you have both retired early? Socialize together more often? Sit by the river and recite poetry to each other? Start a small family business? Supply clean water to undeveloped nations? Meditate or pray together? Tell jokes? Just laugh together?

While a conversation that revolves around your separate and collective activities is essential at present, a very important aspect of marital bliss in retirement is also to learn to be together without having to do things. Before you retired you may have been the kind of person who was always either running around or sitting around moping. Retirement can be a time of reflection or introspection, and it should be. You may now be able to have lots of time to do nothing and you might not be used to it. Being in the present with your spouse is something you will have to get used to; and talking about it now would be very helpful.

Just as it is vital to maintain good relations with your spouse when you are together, it is necessary to show consideration for each other's freedom. Each of you has peculiarities that the other would now be exposed to on a regular basis. There are certain things you may simply have to accept in your partner even if you find them odd. Now's the time to bend over backward to make sure you do not nag your spouse about picking his nose at the dinner table. Just turn into a model for your spouse to imitate in such cases. Be gentle; be wise. Rekindling a marriage in retirement is almost like getting married for the first time - and if you want, it can be as exciting as ever!

Following these instructions will guarantee you a marvelous time with your spouse in your Golden Years. And if you fail, try again, by viewing the challenge as a promotion you want at home.